With TV Came Happiness

It’s that time of the month again. Period time. I mean week. And comic book day. So me start now? Yes. 6 of ‘em for you to not enjoy. For you are a stupid cunt, devoid of human emotion. And I am a saint.

Tons of X-Men business came out and, although being one of my heavy weeks (heavy flow), hehe, this is one of the worst comic weeks each month. The X-Mens have been so sub-par as of late. Young X-Men, once again, sucked. I hate Ink and his stupid magic tattoo cuntery. Just make this all go away, please? We not officially have two gays on the team and both are inhuman looking, so we won’t get any hot gay sex. It’s a shame. I will speak of this no longer.

Keepin’ on rolling now, we have X-Men Legacy. This fellow was a teensy bit let-downy. I knew this series would only be as good as it’s special guests and, although I like Sebastian Shaw and this new Miss Sinister, my dislike for Wolverine, Daken, and Prof. X outweighs. Hopefully Wolverine didn’t kill Shaw, that’s all I’m sayin. Look, titties!

Uncanny X-Men didnt suck!!! Alert the media. Mostly, the inclusion of randomly awesome shmo, Dr. Nemesis kicks lady parts. He’s a Nazi Hunter. Who shoots Nazis with syringe bullets. He walks around with a surgical mask on. Karma is back. Our favorite Vietnamese lesbian appears to tell everyone to watch the TV. She likes TV like me? She’s smart. Wha? Hey! Spiral is back. I missed ol’ 6 arm. She’s my very favorite sneaky alien, babysitter, gladiator, magician, robo-technician, teleporter and swordswoman. The rest of the story was pretty blah. Colossus sad. Cyclops and Emma lame romance.

X-Factor. This shit is always good. Finally, we have a real artist back, so its even better. No one looks like an anthropomorphic rhino any longer. Longshot and M are going to get it on in like 74 seconds. I cannot wait. Can you? Yes, I imagine you can. I saw some M ass! Babies are about to pop. Pop out all over your face. Syrin is crowning. Or will be soon enough. And she thinks her dad is still alive still. It’s been three years worth of comics and the woman still thinks her dad who blew up and burned to death is just fine somewhere. Poor deluded pregnant lady. That’s all pregnant ladies isn’t it? Rrarara. Misogyny is funny.

Deadpool once again was mostly bad. I feel like crying when I read it. I laughed about twice. The best parts used to be when Deadpool watched TV. He always wanted some Bea Arthur. At least we had a Young Frankenstein reference with the hunchback lady(?). We have some zombie vampires running around and Deadpool randomly kills some good guys who saved his life FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Deadpool is crazy, not evil! Fuck you writers.

Lastly and surprisingly, the un-X related comic was the best this week. Ive hated Thunderbolts since it was restructured, but this shee was really good. The bad’ns have taken over and are getting rid of the three “good” Thunderbolts. Penance is drugged, Radioactive Man exported and Songbird about to be killed. She’d best not died. You hear me new writer-man? Kill her and you kill my interest in this book. You are on very shakey ground here. I was unaware I liked her so until right now. So eat me Bullseye, you’d best not do what you are wanting to do so very very much.

In other news, Kylie is going to be co-hosting The Brit Awards and I couldn’t be happier if I made a tampon out of a Cadbury’s Creme Egg and a baby rattle. She will join the dudes from Gavin and Stacy, Matthew Horne and James Corden. You may remember Matthew from his constant appearances on The Catherine Tate Show where he played the maybe gay grandson of the most horrible woman in existence. Kylie and Matthew appeared together on The Kylie show, as can be seen below. Afterward you shall hear my new favoritest song of the album, Speakerphone. Peace it.

The Gays are taking over! Once upon a time, a handsome prince named Clarke started to speak about red-headed Marvel Comics males. It was a quiet time in those days, where a young man’s heart could turn to flights of fancy, such as murder or needlepoint. But today was not one of those days. Instead the future king was in another mood entirely. He thought of nothing but destruction. Destruction of the one who cause him so much turmoil, 30H!3. They seemed sort of sucky, but he enjoyed their song Don’t Trust Me. That put the prince in quite a predicament. Should he say he approves of them? Should he denounce them? Should he speak in third person for a few minutes and say while he thinks the are moronic and fake edgy like Kary Perry’s sweaty vagina, he happens to like one nugget of what the have to sell. Prince Clarke instead chose an alternate option and blew up the world. The End.

P.S. Prince Clarke became King Clarke and declared the band were “a bunch of douches with a catchy chorus”.

I have been watching the first season of Dynasty on the DVDs and I absolutely despise Blake with the fire of a thousand suns. Homeless baby donkey fucking suns. I hate ‘em. We became lovers. Meanwhile, you can see Blake Carrington saying psychotic fucking things about gays. I guess that’s what people thought way back when. Though, I guess a lot still do. Anyways, he should get raped just like he raped his wife. That’s right, dude raped his wife to force her to have a baby. Woof. What a douche. How in the Hell is he supposed to be the hero of this piece? Anyone who he comes up against is a saint in comparison.

Later, some day I will speak more on Gay Steven and Alexis v. Krystal, but that’s just too much shit to talk about and I need to re-inform myself. I want all of the DVDs right now! (9 seasons) Only 3 are out so far. Below is Blake hating his son’s gay live-in fella. You can also see Gay Steven actor, Al Corley singing a gay gay song.

I guess I should probably speak about TV again, since this is supposed to be a TV Blog. I don’t wanna. I want one-shots of stupid Yubia!. Fine, you mother fucker, I’ll do it, but I won’t like it. I’m so generally apathetic about TV lately, it’s astounding.

Degrassi is continuing in the tradition of being strange as hell. Last episode, we saw fake catholic school girl and girl who has some speaking problems finding a vibrator and putting it in their bag. Ooops. Vibrator goes off in class and the teacher makes them show it to him. We find out that everyone in school has one except the uptight bitch who is told by catholic school girl that she would probably be nicer if she used one sometime. Burn. Below is a clip of girl with speaking problems. I feel like everything she says she has to force out of her mouth. P.S. she’s a little slutty so I respect her. Much stuff occurred in the last few weeks. Manny and Emma have once again been after the same dude. Best friends sleep with the same fellows all of the time. Some gay kissin occurred as well. But then it went very wrong. Maybe it will go right and we will see some cock-docking.

More sometime later. Laziness kicked in.

Did you ever want to hear a song that a twelve year old probably shouldn’t sing? Me either but I have found this one. It’s pretty inappropriate. Any by inappropriate, I mean a cartoon robo alien zaps her with a remote control which causes her to wear a belly shirt and dance in a cage for three minutes. It turns out the robo alien is in love with her and can’t wait to have one of her “strawberry kisses”. “I’m falling head over toes over the thought of your lips.” Six more alien robos shows up and then she flirts with the original one, who is a dwarf, by the way. It turns out she was just flirting with him so he could produce the song. What a dirty whore.

The new star of the silver screen has arrived, and it’s that fucked up tonguey dog that everyone is talking about. Bow down before The Lord, our god. I feel like it’s trying very hard to tell me something rather dire. It may be saying that if I don’t clean up the leaves in the backyard, Hitler will rise up and lay waste to the Eastern Seaboard. Actually, that is what it’s saying. I have a warning for you all, brought to me by Tonguey Dog, our great prophet. He’s speaking in tongues. He has ascended to a higher plan of thinking.

My evil parents struck again when I was five, taking me to the movie theater to watch Benji, the Hunted. This movie was sad as hell. Just depressing. Mother cougar is shot and killed, leaving four kittens alone. Benji saves them, but one is eaten by a damn eagle. I lost my shit at that point and wanted to go home. Luckily, at the end, it all works out, but it is still in my top five depressing movies from my childhood. Here is the sad but good ending where kittens are cared for by a new cougar mother and Benji wanders off, all sad-like.

How does it work that one day after I put a post up about these mother fuckers, they release their new music video? And by music video I mean cartoonishly gay car show dance party. The lyrics to this brilliant song of Same Differences’s, We R One, are laughably awesome. “This is love, this is live, this is good, this is great.” I want to work at Jesse’s Auto Mart circa 1954, please. I also want all of my friends to pop around a corner and wave at me while im singing from the heart with my non existent sister. How many mother fuckers are driving away in that car at the end? Not enough!