With TV Came Happiness

So, this shit be bumpin (woof, that’s faggy) because Flight of the Conchords is returning the the world in January at some point. IMDB won’t tell me what day and neither will hobo. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, well, go suck your grandma’s dick. I have heard tell, that we will hear a song about a man’s love for his toy flower. And not romantic love, sexual love. I, for, one am waiting with anticipation. Here be the yube for the trailer preview deal. Following that is the song, If You’re Into It, which doesn’t appear on their God Damn CD! Criminals.

February’s comic solicitations came and went last week and I was too much of a mother fucker to deal with all of the putting up of posts. I have a week long Hollyoaks back load (heh, back load) and I haven’t pooped in as many days. February looks to be an insanely big month where everything goes to shit like Metamucil in a homeless shelter. Oddly, with all of the awesome, I, for some reason, am getting 7 less comics than I have been getting in recent months. What do we have here?

Rocket Raccoon is ready to grind Blaastar into a fine paste. Polaris gets ready to rape everyone a new everything. Worldmind forces the Earth to become the new Nova Corps. Space goes nuts! Darkhawk goes interstellar to for reals star status. And all of this shite is just the beginning War of Kings hasn’t even started yet. I demand a Polaris-Rocket Raccoon team-up. Make it so Marvel!

Other things happen also. Agents of Atlas starts its ongoing series. Dracula comes to Captain Britain and the MI:13. The Vanisher joins X-Force? Millie the Model (woot!), Hellcat (double woot) and Mary Jane (negative woot) join forces to solve model related crimes in Models, Inc. She Hulk is cancelled! That’s a damn shame. Just when I was getting back into it. Should have stayed a comedy and not gone all dark for the first few issues.

Fuck Mother Fuck, Mother Mother Mother Fuck. Seconds after the last post, I found out Dragonette is going to have an album being released next year. Ruiners! The above clip is a-showin’ the instrumental to a new song. We also see that we should buy urine perfume and I’m game if you are. I want it all over me. UR IN. Ha. Puns. I’m not the only dork then.

Thanks again MF PopJustice. Just stop showing me that goodness exists.

Another day, another British album. Why do they continue to hurt my wallet so. This time, we find Franz Ferdinand FINALLY releasing their 3rd album, Tonight: Franz Ferdinand. I’ve been waiting on this mother fucker since they were born. I’m a seer, you know. I know. Bitch drops 01.26.09 luckily, so I should be in the Europe by that point, drinking it up. Regarding the single below, Ulysses, I like it, but don’t love. The more I listen to it, the more I’m warming up to it. The beginning bit pleases me very much, so I just have to sync myself into the rest. The message of the song is very nice. Come on and get a bit stoned, please.

Despair, for ABC has cancelled everything today. Pushing Daisies is gone! Rharahahagharha! Dirty Sexy Monkey is gone! Cukakakuke! Eli Stone is gone! Eh. Fuck the world. I blame all of you! You ruined everything and I’m sharpening my sythe, for the end of the world is nigh. You’ll all be headless soon enough.

Pushing Daisies was so fucking dicky great last night too! It’s a terrible terrible thing you’ve done. Just DIE! Regurgitating Kittens. Dead drunk monkeys. Digging up graves. It’s all right here waiting. For another 7 episodes only. Shitheads. Holy Piss, Kerri Kenny!!!!!! That’s Officer Weigle from Reno 911! to you. We saw semen inseminating and egg. Yay. It was really sweet (me saying something is sweet?!?) when Chuck overheard Lily sayin she was her mother and how wonderful it was when she gave birth to her. Gross. And how happy she was with Ned right after that. I feel so gay. Many wonderful lines occurred last night. Here is a samplin’.

Chuck: What do you got against magic shows? There’s sequins and drama and a promise of bloodshed.

The Great Hermann: I didn’t have any other choice. Every day after school, they’d pop by looking to be taught some magic trick or play with my monkey.

Chuck: Regurgitating a kitten? That’s a unique talent.

It’s that time of the month again. Period time. I mean week. And comic book day. So me start now? Yes. 6 of ‘em for you to not enjoy. For you are a stupid cunt, devoid of human emotion. And I am a saint.

Tons of X-Men business came out and, although being one of my heavy weeks (heavy flow), hehe, this is one of the worst comic weeks each month. The X-Mens have been so sub-par as of late. Young X-Men, once again, sucked. I hate Ink and his stupid magic tattoo cuntery. Just make this all go away, please? We not officially have two gays on the team and both are inhuman looking, so we won’t get any hot gay sex. It’s a shame. I will speak of this no longer.

Keepin’ on rolling now, we have X-Men Legacy. This fellow was a teensy bit let-downy. I knew this series would only be as good as it’s special guests and, although I like Sebastian Shaw and this new Miss Sinister, my dislike for Wolverine, Daken, and Prof. X outweighs. Hopefully Wolverine didn’t kill Shaw, that’s all I’m sayin. Look, titties!

Uncanny X-Men didnt suck!!! Alert the media. Mostly, the inclusion of randomly awesome shmo, Dr. Nemesis kicks lady parts. He’s a Nazi Hunter. Who shoots Nazis with syringe bullets. He walks around with a surgical mask on. Karma is back. Our favorite Vietnamese lesbian appears to tell everyone to watch the TV. She likes TV like me? She’s smart. Wha? Hey! Spiral is back. I missed ol’ 6 arm. She’s my very favorite sneaky alien, babysitter, gladiator, magician, robo-technician, teleporter and swordswoman. The rest of the story was pretty blah. Colossus sad. Cyclops and Emma lame romance.

X-Factor. This shit is always good. Finally, we have a real artist back, so its even better. No one looks like an anthropomorphic rhino any longer. Longshot and M are going to get it on in like 74 seconds. I cannot wait. Can you? Yes, I imagine you can. I saw some M ass! Babies are about to pop. Pop out all over your face. Syrin is crowning. Or will be soon enough. And she thinks her dad is still alive still. It’s been three years worth of comics and the woman still thinks her dad who blew up and burned to death is just fine somewhere. Poor deluded pregnant lady. That’s all pregnant ladies isn’t it? Rrarara. Misogyny is funny.

Deadpool once again was mostly bad. I feel like crying when I read it. I laughed about twice. The best parts used to be when Deadpool watched TV. He always wanted some Bea Arthur. At least we had a Young Frankenstein reference with the hunchback lady(?). We have some zombie vampires running around and Deadpool randomly kills some good guys who saved his life FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Deadpool is crazy, not evil! Fuck you writers.

Lastly and surprisingly, the un-X related comic was the best this week. Ive hated Thunderbolts since it was restructured, but this shee was really good. The bad’ns have taken over and are getting rid of the three “good” Thunderbolts. Penance is drugged, Radioactive Man exported and Songbird about to be killed. She’d best not died. You hear me new writer-man? Kill her and you kill my interest in this book. You are on very shakey ground here. I was unaware I liked her so until right now. So eat me Bullseye, you’d best not do what you are wanting to do so very very much.

In other news, Kylie is going to be co-hosting The Brit Awards and I couldn’t be happier if I made a tampon out of a Cadbury’s Creme Egg and a baby rattle. She will join the dudes from Gavin and Stacy, Matthew Horne and James Corden. You may remember Matthew from his constant appearances on The Catherine Tate Show where he played the maybe gay grandson of the most horrible woman in existence. Kylie and Matthew appeared together on The Kylie show, as can be seen below. Afterward you shall hear my new favoritest song of the album, Speakerphone. Peace it.

The Gays are taking over! Once upon a time, a handsome prince named Clarke started to speak about red-headed Marvel Comics males. It was a quiet time in those days, where a young man’s heart could turn to flights of fancy, such as murder or needlepoint. But today was not one of those days. Instead the future king was in another mood entirely. He thought of nothing but destruction. Destruction of the one who cause him so much turmoil, 30H!3. They seemed sort of sucky, but he enjoyed their song Don’t Trust Me. That put the prince in quite a predicament. Should he say he approves of them? Should he denounce them? Should he speak in third person for a few minutes and say while he thinks they are moronic and fake edgy like Katy Perry’s sweaty vagina, he happens to like one nugget of what they have to sell. Prince Clarke instead chose an alternate option and blew up the world. The End.

P.S. Prince Clarke became King Clarke and declared the band were “a bunch of douches with a catchy chorus”.

I have been watching the first season of Dynasty on the DVDs and I absolutely despise Blake with the fire of a thousand suns. Homeless baby donkey fucking suns. I hate ‘em. We became lovers. Meanwhile, you can see Blake Carrington saying psychotic fucking things about gays. I guess that’s what people thought way back when. Though, I guess a lot still do. Anyways, he should get raped just like he raped his wife. That’s right, dude raped his wife to force her to have a baby. Woof. What a douche. How in the Hell is he supposed to be the hero of this piece? Anyone who he comes up against is a saint in comparison.

Later, some day I will speak more on Gay Steven and Alexis v. Krystal, but that’s just too much shit to talk about and I need to re-inform myself. I want all of the DVDs right now! (9 seasons) Only 3 are out so far. Below is Blake hating his son’s gay live-in fella. You can also see Gay Steven actor, Al Corley singing a gay gay song.