With TV Came Happiness

I just learned about The Sound of Arrows and me likes. Me likes. Below is a clip from their new song, Magic and it has Fantasia running around in it. Are they gays? Or just Swedish? We may never find out. The accompanying picture seems pretty queer. I want to fiddle with someones shirt a bit.I like the blue pants. Very mo’ey. Maybe a pink shirt. Oh, pastels. The gayest of the hue sets. Let’s all touch each others ears. Magic comes out January 28.

The Sound of Arrows - M.A.G.I.C. (Mini-video) from The Sound of Arrows on Vimeo.

3. The Ting Tings are just perfect. Perfect. Well slightly less so than the top two. But what can you do? Every song is a little nugget of magic. 5 of them can’t be better if I tried. And when I try, I’m almost as good as the Tings Tings. I already put two songs of theirs on this ol’ blogger. So what to do? One puts down one’s favorite song. Which is next. Fruit Machine. Sounds like a gay Scooby Doo vehicle.

2. Robyn has been on this blog quite quite a lot. This album was sort of out in Europe over a year ago but I bought it when it was released in America back in April. So there! Sweden shat out a diamond on this one. Robyn is a weird ass. Dyed eyebrows. Parrots dancing to the music. Singing a dancey song at a country line dance. I can’t get enough weird ladyness and she’s quite the paradigm of weird ladyness. Below is a song that it totally different from her others on the album. It’s slow but great and builds up nicely. I want to make love to it now.

I’ve been doing laundry. Yeah! Hachacha laundry. On to the TV nominations. This is supposed to be a TV Blog! I’m failing. I’m wetting myself with sadness. Fuck it.

Dramamine: Dexter, House, True Blood, In Treatment, Mad Men.

Let me just say. TRUE BLOOD?!?!? What the fuck. That show is a pile of donkey shit on a summers evening. Kill them! Winner of course is Mad Men. Best damned show of the last two years bar fucking none.

Dramatization Girl: Sally Field, January Jones, Anna Paquin, Kyra Sedgwick, Mariska Hargitay

Anna God Damn Shit Accent Whore Pacquin!? Why? Why? Why? January Jones takes my heart and kisses it. Smartly.

Dramacaca Boy: Gabriel Byrne, Michael C. Hall, Jon Hamm, Hugh Laurie, Jonathan Rhys Meyers

John Hamm. Mad Men. Three in a row. Peace.

Comedeli: 30 Rock, Californication, Weeds, Entourage, The Office

30 Rock go now! I can’t stand Weeds. I don’t like the Mary Stuart Masterson I mean Mary-Louise Parker. I get them confused and hate them both. And Jennifer Jason Leigh. Three named bitches. Obviously I hated Fried Green Tomatoes. Three names again! Fuck you.
Comed Lass: Christina Applegate, America Ferrera, Tina Fey, Debra Messing, Mary-Louise Parker

I already said I hated that bitch. Meanwhile. Tina Fey win right now.

Comedoodoo Lad: Alec Baldwin, Steve Carell, Kevin Connolly, David Duchovny, Tony Shalhoub

Keep the 30 Rock coming. Alec Baldwin. Hey! I don’t hate any of the people nominated. David D. is a sketch though.

The other ones I don’t care about. Too much miniseries/made for TV bullshit. Meh. Joan from Mad Men with her breasts. The gay from 30 Rock. I’d do it.

Poor Hank Pym was abducted by aliens and a duplicate took his place.  Then his wife exploded. Now hes back and he’s taking to a figment of his imagination. And the duplicate fucked Tigra. Oops! Also, what the fuck is up with the shit art? Why does the regularly hot Hank Pym look like he has a Frank Beemer neck goiter?

Golden Blobers are going on January 11th and I’m finally going to go through all of the nominations and who I want to win. Who cares who should win. What I want is all that matters to you stupid pusses. But first, the bathroom beckons. Back in 5!

That went longer than expected. So we shall begin?

Dramovie: Benji Button, Frost/Nixon, The Reader, Revolutionary Road and Slumdog Millionaire

No competition. Slumdog eats the others for brunch.

Dramovie Actress: Anne Hathaway, Turdy Jolie, Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet and Kristen Scott Thomas

I haven’t seen a damn one of the movies for which these b’s are nominated . Based on who they are, I chose Meryl Streep. Turdy Jolie is turdy.

Dramovie Actor: Mr. Turdy Jolie, Melty Face O’Rourke, Frank Langella, Leo DiCap, Sean Penn

Mr. Turdy Jolie’s movie, Benji Button was sort of eh. Imma going to watch Frost/Nixon at some point. Ive already seen Milk, so Sean Penn wins!

Comovie: Burn After Reading, Happy-Go-Lucky, In Bruges, Mamma Mia!, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I saw all of these. Informed decision! B.A.R. was B+. You already know my hatred of Happy-Go-Vagina Circus. Mamma Mia! sucked like a baby on a toucan. V.C.B. only had one good character, Penelope Cruz’s crazy psycho. The winner is In Bruges. Ive mentioned it before and it’s jabtasticly amazing.

Comovie Actress: Rebecca Hall, Sally Hawkins, Frances McDormand, Meryl Streep, Emma Thompson

Saw 4/5. The first four actresses were in one of each of my Comovie losers. Sally Hawkins sucked as that pain in the ass in Happy Vag. Frances McDormand was awesome in B.A.R. Win!

So Hollyoaks is back to the death and insanity once again. This time, the death/maybe not death is a character a despise, Louise Cuntenelli. I think her last name is something else, but this seems apropos I’d say. Quick back story. Louise and Warren met in Ibiza. She was married and they were all like scam artists. She ran away to Hollyoaks, they both followed. Warren killed her husband. Things happened, they fell in love, she found out, went to jail, a patsy was found, she got out. She started drinking so Warren hooked up with her best friend a lot. Warren and Louise got engaged. She found out about affair. Plans to murder him.

As always, the McQueens white-trashed everything up nicely. Warren turned the tables on Louise when she pulled out a gun and Warren maybe suffocated Louise with a pillow. But is she really dead? More than likely. Oh yeah, Bitch was pregnant. But she deserved it. Dirty pussaaaaaaa. My new favorite, Cindy bitches about once again which is very pleasant. Why do I hate one bitch, but love another? One is an uptight b and the other is a slutty weirdo b.

The first clip should be started at 1:07. Cindy makes fun of everyone. The next clip starts with the McQueens laughing at the farce that is the wedding and Cindy’s awesome eyeroll to their existence. Our final clip should be viewed at 1:22 where the McQueens steal all of the food, including the cake, after the failed wedding. Michaela calls the whore out. Yay, all of the bitches in one place. No one wants to see the death scene. It’s boring. Fuck it. Dead baby!

6. Black Kids are a group of individuals who are taking part in false advertising. Unrelatedly, their musics is plain ol’ magic. With riffs and wingdangers and catooples and words I have made up because I don’t know musician speak, they shake it up and shake it down. Like when you get do something… I can’t find a good simile.  “Listen To Your Body Tonight” is my 2nd favorite song on the album and I don’t get why did not use it as their 2nd single. Hurricane Jane is good, but not great.

5. Girls Aloud is another group of five ladies with 4 Brits and an Irishy. The Saturdays were their opening act on their European tour so it all makes sense. I have already posted my Girls Aloud greatest hits and their first and second singles for this album, so what is a girl to do? I get up the courage to rock your little world. I pretty much love this album more than a blind kid loves not seeing. Wow. That’s sick. I’m also don’t think blind kids like not seeing, but that’s all they know, you know? I’m digging myself a hole. I cannot choose between “Love is Pain” (well it is) and “Miss You Bow Wow”, so here are both of ‘em.

4. MGMT have had their place on this blog as well. I previously put “The Youth” up with the breakdancing and slapping. I listened to “Time to Pretend” like 8 times a day for 2 months. I debated between Girls Aloud and MGMT but decided that MGMT were probably a more esteemed group. Follow other critics. I’m a drone. I can only find two songs I don’t like on this fellow and its difficult to choose a yube to put up. Here is “Weekend Wars” sos checks its outs.

So this post is a long long time coming. I’ve seen Slumdog Millionaire twice and it’s sexing amazing (I didn’t say fucking, I said sexing). I recommend all you mofos watch it or pay the price. Not the price as in your life but, pay for the movie, but not go inside. SMMF has won and been nominated for a poopbox (instead of shit) full of awards and it deserves everyone. It blew Milk out of the water like Santa blew that one dude. His name was Mark I think. Golden Globes all around if, you please.

I’m definitely really never about romances or folks falling in love sort of movies but I desperately wanted the two folks to get together. What’s the deal with that? Old softy. That’s what I am. I’ll swallow your soul! Go die! Booyah. Okay, I’m mean again.

In case you don’t know what this movie is about, Jamal, who is on India’s Who Wants to be A Millionaire?, gets a ton of questions right and is accused of cheating before the final question. He then explains how he knows all of the answers through sexed up flashbacks throughout his entire life. It’s pretty fated to go to the bad firey place awesome (instead of damn and hell). He also has a douchey brother and a girl whom he’s loved forever and of whom he is always trying to find. I don’t like that grammar. It makes me vomit. So there you go. Basic storyline set up. Get to it kids. Fuck. Shit. Damn. Hell.

AP Photo/Fox Searchlight

Monkey’s Go Home is pure godliness. If godliness was based upon the number of weird phrases in which you can use the word “monkey”. It’s the story of a man who moves to France after inheriting an olive plantation. He is told kids are the best olive pickers. So basically the townspeople force their children to work constantly. But he has no kids. So he buys his ex monkeys pals and plans on forcing them to do all of the work. Animal endangerment! Two bad townsfolk are outraged and tell him he’s using the monkeys (actually chimps) as slaves. Well they are right! He’s a dick. Much bullshit occurs, he wins the girl who looks about 15 years younger than him and his mother fucking monkeys run away when he makes them pick the olives. The whole point of the movie failed. Kill the monkeys. AKA Chimps AKA not monkeys but apes!!! I don’t know. It’s awful. But perfect. Everyone calls those bitches “mankeys” which I like immensely. I’ve watched this movie about 12 times in two days. What does that say about me?

“He’s just ashamed because his children are so ugly.” Damn the French girl is harsh.

“I’m honest to a fault. I lose all my friends that way. Now shut up and go to bed.” Now that’s what you say when you first meet your cousin.

“For one man, that’s a lot of fruit.” Fag.

“To a girl appearance is most important. Especially for a chimpanzee.” I’m sure that’s the case.

“These monkeys are about to rob you of your jobs”. Mother fucking monkeys.

“What will become of us when you’re monkey army takes over?” You don’t want to know. Little hands.

“If I buy monkey picked olives, at any price, I will lose this deal.” Monkey Picked Olives. My new band name.

“Thank God and his obvious lessons. Man doesn’t live by bread alone or by the labor of monkeys.” Wow. God is a freak.