With TV Came Happiness

Imma going to see Hootie next weekend for the TopChef tour. Twelve gays getting cooking lessons from a crazy woman. Crazy awesome!

Next week on Hollyoaks finds Michaela having her 18th birthday. Nanna McQueen arrives to give her a creepy painting of her naked and skinny. Everyone else is said to give her really shitty gifts as well, so her getting pissy should be funny to watch.

Annie Potts, shut the hell up! Bernice and I have the same hankerings it seems. Dixie Carter and Annie Potts can just go the fuck away with their anti shirtless well built latino leanings. Racists. Bernice likes all the boys. Oh baby, baby, she’s got a lot of love to give.

Little Boots has her new (and first) music video out today just so you know. It entitled “New in Town” and it involves her walking through some sketchy areas and making those people dance. Like footloose in the ghetto. She uses her hypnotic voice to make homeless people dance with their shopping carts. She makes gangbangers break out into some West Side Story shit. She makes really slutty white people having sex in cars continue to do so. Just on top of their cars instead. Oral and anal sex on cars! She doesn’t partake. She just smiles and gets into the back of some car and drives off, quickly taking a nap. Frigid! All in all,  I love. This is my first time hearing the song in its entirety and I like the finished product. I can’t see any Tenor-I-On though. I miss it. She should have made out with it in the back of that car.

This dog knows exactly how to get it done. His innocent face hides some deadly secrets. At least he’s upfront about his flashing obsession. Now we can get him the help he really needs.

Why don’t we continue on the same thread and put another physical ailment on the blog. This time it’s even sexier. Sexier than a animated deformed child getting morning wood? That’s unpossible! But you’re wrong. Take a look at the sex that is two guys with leg stumps hopping around and doing an erotic dance. I love the dude who spams his head about to make us realize just how much he loves dancing on what would be his knees. As the title says, the one that dude loves to do the Elvis swivel. I think I saw him grab his ass as well. If I only I was the one doing the grabbing. Dreams.

This commercial makes me very very uncomfortable. Basically we have a boy with a physical deformity spying on girls changing, getting erection and vomiting. Is this commercial selling us deformed kids? Some fucked up Japanese school system? Morning Wood? Are we supposed to stock up on morning wood in case the economy crashes? No one told me and I’m in deficit. Mostly, Japanese are insane. At least Inochi knows hes alive what with all of the vomiting and erections he probably has. At least songs are sung about those erections. Lucky.

Cosmo is one of the greatest characters ever created. Mantis too. Moondragon is a cunt but when Comso says something psychically that is very naughty, even the cunt laughs. Ho Ho Ho Ho. That’s how I’m going to laugh from now on. Guardians of the Galaxy was back to being perfect this week. Rocket Raccoon meets Havok. I love random teams joking forces and a tree man, a man from the future, and anthropomorphic raccoon, a lizard man, a god destroyer, three mutants and a bird man on one team, things are looking very good.

The team leaders discuss a course of action in calming a burgeoing intergalactic war with Rocket Raccoon taking all of the good fighters while leaving Starlord with the scrubs.  Mostly, Rocket with the giant map makes my bottom smile. Ew. That sounds gross. It was supposed to be a nonsensical joke. Not a sexual joke.

You know how sometimes you get transfixed on the craziest things? Well these two old bitches have been dancing around in my head for the entire weekend. When they give each other that sexy little smile at the beginning, my heart skips a beat. True love. Later, we have a vagina check from stripey and some amazing offbeatness from red shirt. Watch if you dare. You may very well fall in love.

See, I was this awesome cool dude smoking and he was this douche chicken with a band around his leg. Needless to say, things didn’t end well.