I have good news and bad news on the Marvel cosmic front. The bad news first. Guardians of the Galaxy and Nova are going on hiatus. This is partially to do with the low sales they get and partially to do with the good news that is coming. The Thanos Imperitive will be taking over. A 6 month mini-series tying every cosmic character together into a web of insanity. The Cancer-verse, the universe on the other side of the rip in space, The Fault, is planning to take over the Marvel Universe and a rag tag band of cosmic heroes are the only ones to stop it. As you can see from the entirely beautiful picture below, of up-most importance seems to be, of course, Thanos. Silver Surfer seems to be coming back in a big way and the surprising third star seems to be Medusa, the queen of the Inhumans and one of my top ten redheaded females of Marvel. The current stars of their respective books, Nova and Starlord can be seen below with fan favorite Rocket Raccoon. It all seems to be exciting besides that sadness up front.
I watched one of the strangest and therefore awesomest movies yesterday. It had been on my Netflix queue for ages and I finally got around to it. The Happiness of the Katakuri’s is the tale of a family who move out to the country and buy a B&B. Unfortunately, all of their guests start dying and when a body is found, or for any reason, the family starts singing and dancing. Sometimes, for action scenes, everything goes claymation and it’s batshit. The opening of the movie says it all so take a look. Always watch out for angel fetuses trying to steal your uvula.
This family of freakshow clowns pleases me to no end. Crystal Swing is a red hot country trio made up of mother, son, and daughter. For whatever awful reason, someone has allowed them to produce two albums this year. And now they are on public access and supposedly on the late late show on Irish network TV. That’s right. These people are country singing Irish people. The accents make things really weird right off the bat and things get even weirder when the kids start singing sexy to each other. Durvla gives us a really special bit at 1:57 when she sings while rubbing her brother “You’re so naughty, touch my body and just call me pretty.” Familial love right there. Also worth noting is the mom’s sexy winks at 1:04 and 3:16. She knows that camera is there and she wants camera fuck you to death. Meanwhile, I have had this song in my head for 4 days. Shoot me now. FREEZE ON CREEPY SMILING FACES at 3:55
In other news, why oh why does Ke$ha have to exist? Can’t someone go back in time and abort? Everything abort her screams douche. Her lyrics are fucking miserable. If I have to hear about her brushing her douche teeth with “jack” one more time I’m going to find a way to shit on her douche face. Blah Blah Blah may be the most awful song every created and that’s saying a lot. She sounds like some dying malformed robot cat and looks like someone vomited on a pile of old rags. Below is a picture of Ke$ha in better days.
Everyblog in America has been putting up this freakshow of epic proportions. Think of a drag show. Now think of being high on heroin. Now think of being raped by a goat. Or something. The My Little Ponys have gone into some of the good stuff and can’t help but sing to gay anthems. I must say that these pony actors can act up a storm with their eerie eye movements and hovering back legs. Below you can hear some special songs. That one that is from Dream Girls that the Hudson girl sang and that one from the witch musical where Kristen Chenoweth plays a baby voice Glenda.
I don’t know what this is, but it’s easy to find when you type “monkey from hell” into google. Thank you VampireHungerStrike for you brilliantly horrifying art. Brought to us by Deviantart.com
Before I talk about whatever, I would like to share a bit of weird spam i received today. There were five and all seemed to be from prescription drug spammers about some war or something. This was my favorite: “their nights sharpening spoon-handles into shanks, and the ones who just lay”. Huh-Wah?
Moving on. Or maybe, speaking of weapons, I have, included, a 9 minute video of great scenes from the film Troll 2. Those in the know recognize this film as the greatest of all time. It’s imaginative dialogue, stunning acting work and extremely plausible plotting make for a movie spectacular. All you need to know going into is that a kid pees on his family’s food in order to keep them from melting into a green substance that the goblins (not trolls as per the title). Popcorn sex?! Bologna saves all?! This movie is a mess. I want to spoil everything, but i will not.
In my Beyond the Valley of the Doll searching, I came upon a clip that is fucking nuts. That lesbian bitch, Roxanne from BTVOTD is back, in a movie called Vixen which from what I can tell is about fish dancing. I remember the first time I seduced by a woman dancing with a fish. Pure sex.
The last and only time (thus far) I was in Paris (I’m going back in March, woot), which was in 11th grade, I became obsessed with a song I heard on MTV Europe. Said song is entitled Narcotic by the band Liquido. The song is a friendly tale about cocaine and the video takes place in the courtyard of some extra slutty apartment complex. Freaky Germans of various persuasions do a whole buncha flirting. No one is all that hot and everyone is mostly douchey. Also, singer has a big ol’ unibrow which makes me so hot.
Storytime. After Paris, we went to Amsterdam. In the Red Light District, I saw the video playing in a television store so I went in to watch. An older gentleman followed me into said shop and proceeded to try to talk with me for a bit to which I mostly ignored because I have a tendency to ignore people. My parents, getting worried because I had been in there too long, rushed into the shop right as the man went in for a crotch grab. My mother gave him a good smack and we were on our way.
Listen to my near molestation song. It’s not quite as great as I remember, but I still enjoy it.
If ever there was a teen death song, this and Last Kiss would be at the top. “Patches” by Dickey Lee has all of the good stuff. A Romeo and Juliette love affair, rich and poor folks and good old fashion suicide by drowning. Poor Patches. Don’t worry. You’ll have company soon enough, so says the end of the song. Happy listening.
Check out the picture at 2:07. Nothing like putting your relatives’ pictures up in a video about suicidal teens.
