With TV Came Happiness

Oh snip snap bippity bap. SKYE IS BACK! Robin Christopher, AKA the most awesome soap actress ever is returning to General Hospital. Skye, the most awesome soap character ever has also appeared for years on All My Children and One Life to Live. Most interconnected character in Daytime, right here, folks. She’s a hot red headed bitch who will kick your ass if you dare look it her with some shifty eyes. The one bad thing is that I must now watch General Hospital again, a mostly pitiful show. Besides that, Happy Days are here again. I’ve been waiting for this for three years now.

I could watch the following clip ever day. Skye wipes that smug goddamn face off of that dirty cunt, Sam. Kill her. Check out 1:00 where it all gets awesome.

Sadness can be found below as Skye must tell her adopted grandfather some sad news. After that is more sadness as Skye eulogizes her adopted brother/best friend AJ. I miss AJ too.

Better of Ted has been yanked off the air with only two episodes left and it’s a damn shame. I have here my final clip from the show. We see some Ted and Veronica getting all sexy. Underwear in purses, asses in things, and an odd comment about a Nazi general can all be found within.

Oddly Specific.com is a fucking weird website. Unnecessary signs abound in the world and that blog compiles the greats. Take a look at a few below. Lessons learned. When in a nuclear attack, but a newspaper on your head. Also, you should never fight a bear.

I had to comment on this whole situation with Conan and fucktard Jay Leno. Jeff Zucker just needs to get punched in his stupid face. Below is what wikipedia said for a whole day before someone got wise. If only. I’d watch NBC for more than just 30 Rock if said gerbil was in charge. I was in the audience of the Conan O’Brien show once. One of the best experiences of my life. Other scentence fragment.

I have recently learned that ABC has been putting up Better Off ted clips. This show snuck up on me a while ago, but I always forget to watch it. How did I miss the jewel of an episode partially included herein? It’s so messed up. Portia steals every scene she’s in and I love her sexual tension with Ted, played by a hot man.

Back to the old shitbox. Let’s get this right out of the way. Best TV Comedy. We have a whole bunch of shows that will go down in infamy as blah blah its 3:30 in the morning and I have no interest in introducing shit properly. Begin.

The Office and Pushing Daisies are 5th and 4th respectively. The next 3 shows are tougher. 30 Rock would be the critics choice and I know I have my own category for it (and Drama-Winner Mad Men) so why wouldn’t it win this award? Because the other two are better. So without further ado, Sunny or Conchords?  I’ve been going back and forth per usual but Imma go with The Flight of The Conchords. Cry cry. Check out the age old war of The Aussies v. Kiwis.

The results are in for Male TV Character of 2009. Let’s trapse down memory lane for a moment. Bret (Brit). Frank. Dennis. Tracy. Sal. Well who is it going to be? 5th place goes to the woefully underused Sal. He had 6 great scenes this year, two being his sexual exploits, two his tragic scenes with Don Draper (the jerk!) the picture perfect scene when his wife figures out something is a little faggy with her husband and the depressing scene with him going to get some sex in the park. Poor Sal. Hopefully he will be back. This paragraph is too long. Next!

4th goes to Tracy. I find a few of his storylines ring false, mostly the ones with Kenneth. When he and Jenna get going though, they are just damn amazing. Those crazy freaks work so well off of each other and he can really let his freak flag fly. The next three are tough for me, meanwhile. Frank from Sunny has really hit his stride as he has gone from asshole to crazy person. But, swerve! He isnt 3rd at all. That goes to Dennis. This season wasn;t the greatest for him. He is still as great as he always has been, but we haven’t seen enough his extreme vanity. We need some more of that. One episode though, brought out the complete gold that is his character. The D.E.N.N.I.S. Method. He explains to us and the characters how to properly woo, fuck, and screw over a woman.

I’ve gone back and forth on the next two, but finally settled. Time for the unswerve. Frank is 2nd. He went to his brothers funeral drunk and stoned. Then he had sex with his niece after failing with his sister-in-law. Holy Hell. That’s the greatest man ever. Minus 1. The winner is Bret, pronounced Brit. I love his dorkish charm, his generally stupidity, his animal shirts. Why why why must this show end. I want to hear him sing about robots. About sugar lumps. About dicks on the dancefloor. Here is a special song about him.

The final episode of the David Tennant-Doctor Who has come and gone and it sucked like so much dead baby. Simile took a turn for the worse there. “The End of Time” was incomprehensible. Ex James Bond, Timothy Dalton looks sort of hot for being 345 years old, but the he starts spitting everywhere and it all goes away. The basic plot is as follows. The Dr. meets up with Donna Noble’s grandpa and the Master gets resurrected. Then the Master uses a magic machine to turn all of humanity into clones of himself. Well, except for Donna and her grandad. Donna is still part time lord. It turns out that the Master was manipulated by the other time lords into being a tether out of the time lock and so they come to earth. The Doctor say no and shoots some crystal which send them home because they want to destroy existence. Then that old man accidentally causes The Doctor to start dying. He goes and sees all his old pals to say goodbye and then dies and regenerates. It’s gay. I hate it. They should all get shat upon. Except Donna.

Just check out 6:45 in the first clip and then watch the 2nd. First we see Donna remember everything about the Doctor and then zap some people with her new powers. Next, we see Cap’n Jack flirt with another gay and have secret sex jokes. Then, Donna get’s married and the Doc gives her a winning lottery ticket. Good ending for her.

Here come the awards. Way back in 1945, I listed the nominees for these two awards. Drumroll please.

Best Female TV Drama Character

Something went terribly wrong this year. I knew Cindy from Hollyoaks had no chance to win the award so she can be found languishing in 5th place. That’s not the terribly wrong. That’s the next bit. The women I thought would take 1st, 2nd, and 3rd did not. Mad Men’s Betty Draper fell into fourth place and the three remaing characters went back on forth in my brain a million times. Lois from Mad Men is too comedic to win here, thereby handing her 3rd. So that just leaves us the other Mad Men alum, Joan, and LOST’s Juliette. To tell you the truth, i was having trouble thinking of a 5th woman from the beginning, waffling back and forth before deciding upon Juliette. She was basically a place holder til I realized that, no, she’s not. She’s the goddamn winner. She single-handedly (literally) changed her entire show with the detonation of the bomb and managed to save everyone else’s lives. She also never took shit from nobody especially all of the whiny bitches on the show. So congratulations award winner. On to the Best Character finals for her.

Best Female TV Comedy Character

I knew what the final battle was to be before I even typed up the nominees. The Office’s Meredith and 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon were there because I loved them, but not as much as the other three. Sue from Glee is too new to really have her figured out so she lands in 3rd. That leaves the great conundrum of our generation. Who is better? Mel from Flight of the Conchords or Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Ugh. But the winner as it turns out is Dee. Unfortunately, Flight left Mel out a bit too much this year for my liking in favor of guest characters. Dee meanwhile, really came into her own as her show’s outcast, being both it’s voice of reason and biggest bitch.

“Dickey Lee was one of a number of performers from around the late 1950s-early1960s who specialized in teenage death songs which were in vogue back then.” That’s a quote and it’s awesome. You don’t realize how many of these trainwrecks (get it? death!) there were.
Since this song is the reason I’m starting this Top Ten List, I will have to put it up. Laurie (Strange Things Happen) is not in the top 10  So shut it. It is a song version of that urban legend/ ghost story about the dude who meets the girl and goes on a date and the it turns out it was her birthday and she was dead. Have fun with this depressing little number. And stay tuned for more fun with teen death songs.